I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize