I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
