Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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