if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
