drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
