An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
