Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
