Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
