So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
