i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Let's get the cat blown out
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
