it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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