I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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