My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
