weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
