I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
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