decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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