He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
