just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
