my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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