Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
