well he's currently spooning the coffee table
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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