Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
