so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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