I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
