I haven't been this sober since birth.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
