She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
