yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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