i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
