Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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