Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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