My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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