I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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