I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
