did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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