can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
