So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
