Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I seem to have left my pride at pride
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
