dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
