So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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