shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
