nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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