it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
