Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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