Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
