So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
