And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
