god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
