I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
NoShamevember. You game?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
