Whod you bang
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
