Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
