My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize