Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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