508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
