It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
