bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
