You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
