My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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