i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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