she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
