Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
