Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
