Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
