Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
my liver is dry heaving
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