i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
