my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
