just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
