the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize