i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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