You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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